just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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