Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
