these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
