fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
