U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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