why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
