why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
