When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
