this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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