Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
