my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
