How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
