it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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