What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
