My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
