walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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