I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My cat gives me a boner
My pussy is not your playground.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
