he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
