Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
