i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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