epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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