It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
