You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
