i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
