I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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