The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
