Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
