I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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