I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
