bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
