The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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