Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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