Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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