the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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