my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
