i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize