I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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