I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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