This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
