I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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