: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
