I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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