why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
