if i can run in heels then i can drive
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
