I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
