im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
