I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Randomize
