i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
