I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
