Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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