i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
