biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
