i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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