i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
