Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
