If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
