she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
