In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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