Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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