stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??