you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers