I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.