hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
