I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
