Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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