I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
