Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
