Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
